So I've started referring to my time before becoming a bereaved mummy as pre-Harry and after as post-Harry. The difference in my life is staggering. Aside from the obvious trauma, shock and true sadness my life has changed immensely.
Last week I found myself short listed in two categories at the Butterfly Awards, an awards ceremony recognising achievements in the baby loss world. It was a real honour to be there, amongst others who understand. I didn't win but after the initial disappointment I have used the inspiration of the other finalists to drive on my work for Harry's Trust.
We went to the awards with two lovely friends and it was so nice to spend time as me not someone's mother and enjoy myself without having to think feeding schedules or bedtime routines. It was lovely to have adult conversations and to hear about other peoples lives.
I am also going this week to meet with the National Screening Committee to discuss the screening programme for vasa praevia, alongside the Royal College of Obs & Gynaes, and the
Royal College of Midwives amongst others. I have no medical training so I am obviously nervous about the meeting but this is one of the most important days in my work since losing Harry. When I was told at our birth debrief at the hospital that the condition that cost Harry his life could be screened for but isn't - I made a promise to Harry that his life would not have been lost in vain and that no more babies should lose their lives unnecessarily.
And the rest of my time when I'm not taking care of my two kids and running a home, is spent organising our objectives for 2014 and planning our huge annual fundraiser which is at the end of next month.
My life pre Harry was less emotional and much more innocence and happiness but now I am busy trying to keep Harry's memory alive, save other babies from dying needlessly and helping others who experience the pain of losing part of them.
My life post Harry is crazy busy but he has given me such a wonderful new direction . I feel a real sense of purpose.
In my life post Harry are some amazing people. I have been shown my true friends. Those who are there no matter what. Those who genuinely care. Those who will listen, and cry with me. Those who celebrate my triumphs with equal excitement. Those who understand exactly, and those who don't understand but will hold your hand and care.
How blessed am I to have these opportunities and such wonderful people to share them with.
And that blessing is Harry. He has made my life this way. I miss him with all my being, my heart aches for him. But he is doing so much good and I am so proud.