Since learning to drive, one of my favourite things (when I am alone) is to turn up the volume on my favourite songs and sing my heart out. One of my favourites for William was Adele's "Make you feel my love" as I felt that I truly would do anything for my boy and I love him more than anything, a real unconditional love.
As I have mentioned previously in my blog, I spent a lot of time pouring over songs for Harry's memorial service. It was so important that I got the music right. We weren't having hymns as none seemed right and I wanted it to be perfect for my little man.
Here are the songs we used:
And, as I have mentioned before I find it incredibly hard to listen to these songs now, as when I hear the words I am transported back to that hideous day that we buried our little boy and I sit here now with tears down my face as I stupidly made myself listen to them. The power of music, it's so powerful and emotive.
But, yet I do do it to myself, and not infrequently. When I am on my own I find myself searching songs on YouTube to listen to, and to cry and to feel sad. It's like my private grieving time. And music helps me do that.
Here are some others that I have found, and find appropriate:
Celine Dion - Fly - it actually is too painful to listen to all the way through, for me
But a few weeks ago, while putting myself through this torture as I do, I found a song that was perfect. And as I listened to it, I saw a link on it's YouTube site dedicated to a baby. I watched the video montage this family had made and was curious about their story. I then saw a video that they had made for a TV show about their experience and as I watched I was saddened to hear their story. A family, with twin girls, and another girl were expecting another baby, another girl - Audrey Caroline. But during their pregnancy they learnt that this baby was too poorly to make it in the world after birth, if she made it to birth. They were advised to terminate, but as Christians they felt they couldn't go through with it and decided to leave it in God's hands. She wrote a blog about her experience as I have, and she talked openly about how sad it was to know her baby wasn't going to live. They gave birth a couple weeks early by planned C section and their baby lived for two hours and met all her family, giving them the chance to take some wonderful photographs, and create memories. Their experience has strengthened their faith and as a result she has found a career in writing about her faith and her experience as a bereaved parent, starting from her blog and now she has three published books.
The father is in a band and wrote a song about their loss and this is the beautiful song:
Please have a listen, it's amazing and this is my perfect song for Harry.... xxxxxxxxx