Tuesday, 2 October 2012

I'm not going to steal your baby!!

Back in March, where I live, I was overjoyed to have a really miserable late-middle aged American couple move out of our row of four townhouses, I was even more excited to find a couple around our age moving in who were also expecting!

I spoke to the lady and she told me that she was due in May and I told her I was due on 1st July. We were both excited to be new mummys together and we would speak most days about how we were getting on and how uncomfortable we were both getting.
May came and when I didn't see her I would check to see if her husband's work van was around or if her car had been away from their drive for any length of time, wondering if they had gone to have their baby yet.

When my waters broke on 6th June and I was then booking my induction, I was amazed that I might be having our baby before they had theirs.
In actual fact, we both had our babies that weekend, she had a little girl and I had my Harry. Obviously, my baby was not to come home with us, but their baby was completely healthy and happy, and they were able to bring their baby home straight away.

Since coming home, I have spoken very briefly to her husband to ask how they are getting on, and he diverted the conversation towards William and talked about his watering can. I tried to make conversation with her, but she, like her husband, diverted the conversation towards William and made comments about his "beautiful hair". But several times, I would come home in the car and park up, only to see her stop her conversation with a neighbour, run inside the house and close the door.

I was worried for a while that perhaps they didn't know we had lost our baby, as neither one of them had raised the issue or said they were sorry for our loss or ask how we were doing... But they must know as they haven't seen me with a pram or carrying a newborn, but after speaking with a few neighbours, they do know... We have decided they feel awkward for the situation.
I want to fix this, as it is incredibly awkward for me too. I don't want for anyone to feel weird or odd, after all, it didn't happen to them.

I haven't yet seen their baby, but there have been several times that I have been out in the garden and heard their baby crying and it felt like I had been stabbed in the chest. I can bear it now, and I know from speaking to a neighbour that their baby has colic and reflux, like William did, so I understand how much hard work that can be.

Today, I was in the kitchen, folding some laundry by my kitchen window and looked out to see this lady pushing her pram up the path outside my window. We made eye contact, I smiled and waved... She walked on.... What do I do?
I spoke to Harry's Dad about this. He said "perhaps they feel strange, you know, they probably watched Eastenders and worry that you might "do a Ronnie" and want to steal their baby!"

Are they mental? Is that really what people think? I don't have my baby (that I gave birth to, and grew in my womb for 9 months) so I am going to steal yours (that I did not give birth to or have any hormonal attachment or similarity to).... Really? No. That is most certainly not the case.

Yes, I find it hard seeing new babies, and yes I am not in a place where I am going to be ready to hold anyone's new born, but that is not because I think I might want to steal their baby! Haha. Good Lord... I think I will have to be the "bigger person" and try and approach the situation, but have no idea how, or what to do if she shuts the door the second she sees me... Awkward!


1 comment:

  1. Hmmmmm....I read this last night and have been thinking about it since.

    I don't think she is worried about you stealing the baby.

    I think its two things.

    Firstly I think its plain and simple guilt. She has what you should have and she feels awful about it. She probably doesn't realise that you miss her friendship and want that normality, she probably thinks you hate her for having what you do not.

    Secondly, I think its fear. A lot of people have no experience of late term loss, save for Gary Barlow or Lily Allen.... And having it on your doorstep, in your case quite literally, is scary.

    I think what you should do is find a cute little friendship card and drop it in the letterbox. Just say "Hi I miss our chats, looking forward to seeing you soon" or something like that.

    She probably just needs you to say "what happened is awful, I'll never be over it, but its not your fault, I am genuinely happy for you..."